The Fandom Branch
by The 4 Marauders
Summary: There's a new branch of Dunder-Mifflin and a few employees are coming to have a tour of Scranton. Michael welcomes them in his usual Michael way, but how about everyone else? And who exactly are these people? Oneshot. Just for fun! Slight crossover.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own the rights to any of it, I swear!

**A/n:** A few summers back, Prongs, Moony and I wanted to write something. So what we did was come up with a few lines of "opener" and then we had to write from that. This is my submission to that challenge (the opener we came up with together is at the beginning in italics). Not sure why I never posted it before now. This is _just for fun_! Trust me and give it a chance. ;) Enjoy!

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**The Fandom Branch**

_"Excuse me everyone," Michael said loudly. "I want you all on your best behavior. Today… is a very special day. We have the _pleasure_ of welcoming to our _humble_ abode, some poor refugees."_

_The people in the offices exchanged perplexed glances._

_"So," Michael continued. "Let's all be _really_ warm and helpful to the visitors from the Fandom Branch."_

"Fandom Branch?" Jim asked.

"Yesssh. They're brand new and their head is sending a few desperate souls over here to see how it's done!" Michael grinned and clapped his hands together.

Dwight nodded, maintaining the intense look on his face.

"What time are they coming?" questioned Pam.

"How should I know?" said Michael, then added, "Sometime before lunch." He retreated into his office without another word.

Kevin looked nervously to Oscar. "I don't like visitors. Or refugees."

"They're not literally refugees." Angela snapped.

"Oh." said Kevin.

Oscar shook his head and kept working.

It was less than an hour later when the door opened and the employees from the branch of Dunder-Mifflin in Fandom arrived in front of Pam's desk. There were three of them: a tall man with sharp features and dark eyes; a somewhat shorter, skinnier and younger looking man with glasses and short messy black hair; and a young smiling woman with bright eyes and shoulder length brown hair.

"Hi there," Pam greeted as all eyes turned to the visitors. "You must be the people from Fandom."

"We are." said the man with the glasses. "I'm Harry, this is Septimus and this is Kaylee."

"Hey!" said Kaylee cheerily.

Septimus glared stonily around the room.

"I'll just let Michael know you're here." Pam pushed a button on her phone which beeped in Michael's office.

Michael jumped away from peering through the blinds to his phone to reply to Pam.

"The Fandom employees are here."

"Wonderful!" Michael's voice boomed overly loud back through the intercom, causing Pam and the Fandom employees to jump. A second later, the door to Michael's office flew open and he stepped out grandly into the office.

"Welcome to Scranton!" he yelled. "I am Michael Scott! This is Dunder-Mifflin Scranton!"

"Uh, Michael, why are you yelling?" asked Pam.

"We speak English." Septimus said coldly.

"I know… that…" Michael said with an uneasy grin, his voice returning to normal volume.

Jim smirked.

"So… who are you all?"

"I'm Kaylee Frye." She stepped forward and vigorously shook Michael's hand.

"Whoa! What a handshake!" Michael laughed. "For a girl, of course. Jim, have you felt this crazy handshake?"

"Ah, no…"

Kaylee flushed a little and moved to stand back with Harry and Septimus.

"I'm Harry Potter." Harry also stepped forward and shook Michael's hand.

Dwight's eyes went as wide as saucers behind his glasses and he made an odd strangled noise which no one seemed to notice except Jim.

"You choke on your tongue, there Dwight?" he asked.

Dwight ignored him.

"Ah, like the book?" said Michael to Harry.

"No, actually. I was born before the book." Harry's tone showed he'd answered that question about a thousand and twelve times or more.

"And who's this happy guy?" Michael asked and gave Septimus a playful punch in the shoulder.

Septimus stiffened. "I am Septimus of Stormhold." He growled. "The seventh son of – "

"Septimus of Stormhold? Nice name!" Michael barked with laughter.

Septimus glared daggers at Michael and was about to retaliate when Michael spoke again.

"Alright, so you all are here for a day, so we here in the Scranton Dunder-Mifflin will take you on as our shadows, our followers, our _Padawans_, if you will."

Jim snorted and managed to turn it and his ensuing laugh into a cough. Dwight shook his head at Jim before returning a burning, wide-eyed gaze to the Fandom Branch employees.

"How about we show them exactly what we do here? Pam, you help Harry. Jim, why don't you help Kaylee and I'll help out this, um," Michael chuckled. "Septimus, guy."

Septimus looked murderous.

Dwight raised his hand. "Question. Can I be the one to mentor the great Harry Potter?"

Michael looked slightly annoyed and confused by Dwight's request but waved his hand and said, "Yeah, fine. Whatever. Harry, sorry, you're with Dwight."

He clapped his hands together as Dwight hissed "Yesssss" under his breath.

Harry looked quite concerned to have been firstly called "the great Harry Potter" and secondly to have been paired with Dwight.

"Shiny!" said Kaylee and smiled at Jim.

"Alrighty! Let's get crackin', people!" Hurriedly he added in an undertone to the Fandom employees, "But not like, crackin' as in the cocaine, sense, of course. Drugs, crack, you know. A no-no. A big no-no. Say no to crack, right?"

Pam put her head in her hands.

"Oh, and Ryan, could you please run and get some pizza for lunch? That'd be great." said Michael.

Ryan looked startled to have been called upon.

"Go to that little on, you know, Chachi's or Linguini's or something? Where you got those little bread sticks from that one time?"

"Um, Bob's Pizza?"

"Yeah, that one."

"It's like an hour and a half away."

"Then you'd better leave now so you can be back in time for lunch." said Michael. Turning back to the Fandom employees, he missed Ryan's aggravated sigh through clenched teeth.

"You don't have to go to any trouble for us," Harry insisted.

"Nonsense! We love pampering our visitors. You'd know, right Phyllis?" Michael grinned.

"I… I'm not a visitor, I've worked here for years." Phyllis replied meekly.

"Chyeah, okay." Michael shook his head and chuckled. "I think we've done enough chatting around the water cooler here, so…"

"The water cooler's actually in the break room." Toby piped up from the back of the office, trying to be helpful.

"It's an expression, Toby, _gosh_. Get over yourself."

Toby blinked, never quite sure what he'd ever done to deserve the venom he always got from Michael.

To Septimus, Michael mumbled, "His wife left him. He's an idiot."

Septimus glared.

Moments later, things became slightly more organized. Most of the Scranton employees went back to work and tried not to become too distracted or disrupted by the Fandom employees "tour" of the office.

"This is the break room," said Jim, opening the door and letting Kaylee go in first. "Bathrooms… vending machine, coffee machine, sink, fridge… very exciting stuff."

Kaylee nodded and laughed.

There was a slightly awkward pause as Jim shoved his hands in his pockets and Kaylee looked around. Then she said, "Is it fun here?"

"Fun?" Jim laughed. "Think that depends on your definition of fun."

"Well, d'you like it here? Do you like what you're doin'? Is it fun?"

Jim exhaled. "It pays the rent." He glanced out the break room door in the direction of Pam's desk.

"This is Phyllis." said Michael.

"Pleased to meet you," Phyllis extended a hand warmly to Septimus.

He curled his lip. "I'm sure."

Phyllis lowered her hand uncomfortably.

"She has a boyfriend who is in stove sales." Michael supplied.

"No, he's Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration – "

"Same thing."

"It's not, it's – "

"Whatever, close enough." Michael moved away from Phyllis abruptly and motioned for Septimus to follow.

Septimus grumbled and reluctantly did so.

Dwight shut the door to the conference room behind him. He looked around suspiciously as if expecting someone to jump out at any moment.

Harry raised an eyebrow and chose not to comment. Instead he said, "Er, nice conference room."

Suddenly Dwight was right beside Harry. He stared intensely at him and whispered confidently, "I know who you really are. I know it's you."

Harry backed up a step uneasily. "I don't know what you mean."

Still whispering, Dwight continued, "It's all real. That Rowling woman said it was fiction, but that just a cover. I knew it." He opened his eyes wide. "But it's _all_… _real_…"

Harry glanced around, clearly unsure of what to do next. His hand strayed towards his shirt under his jacket.

"Don't bother with your wand," said Dwight. "I mean you no harm and I will keep your secret _zealously_ until the day I die." He stared ay Harry significantly before abruptly going to exit the conference room.

Harry was simultaneously started, relieved, wary and confused by what had just happened.

Stanley laughed heartily – a very rare occurrence that made Jim stare. "Well that makes sense! See, this is why I never take my car to a mechanic. Regular people not charging me through the nose always seem to know better anyways."

"I'm told it's a gift," Kaylee beamed.

"Maybe I can get you to fix my car," said Jim.

"What's wrong with – " Kaylee started.

"Fine!" Michael shouted. "We can just stand here. That's cool. That's Stanley over there – wave Stanley, _wave_ – fine, don't - he's black, you know. Then Kevin in the corner – wave Kevin – he almost had skin cancer once. And that's Oscar – Oscar, wave to us – _wave_ – he likes to skip work pretending to be sick. Creed, the old guy – he's creepy – and Meredith is an alcoholic, Angela – "

Angela gave Michael a death glare rivaling Septimus' and Michael swiftly moved on.

"Kelly who never stops talking – Kelly, wave – never mind – Pam, the hot receptionist – don't duck Pam, he needs to see you – and that's pretty much everyone then."

"I'm Toby, by the way," said Toby on his way back to his desk after picking up something from the printer.

"No one cares, Toby." Michael snapped. Toby slumped away looking hurt. To Septimus, Michael quietly added, "His wife – "

"I _know_. Septimus snarled. "_Enough_ already. I _do not_ care! I am _done_ with this absolute nonsense. _Finished_. I am leaving before I can longer suppress the urge to kill someone."

Many were rather concerned by his last statement and backed away or froze.

"Harry, Kaylee, now." Septimus barked and swept towards the door, his cloak billowing our behind him.

Harry exhaled in relief that he had an excuse to leave and pushed past Dwight who looked oddly smug.

Michael tried to stutter out a sentence of some description and failed.

Kaylee smiled apologetically at Jim. "Thanks for the tour, even if it was very short. And thanks for bein' so nice."

"Oh, no problem." Jim shrugged.

"No wonder Pam likes you so much." Kaylee winked and followed Harry to the door. She gave everyone a little wave and then shut the door to the office behind her, restoring the office to (more or less) it's normal state.

Jim was happily stunned and suddenly couldn't quite look over at Pam.

Michael threw his hands up in the air and let them fall with a slap to his sides. "Oh yeah, thanks everybody. _That_ went well!" he said sarcastically and slammed his office door shut behind him.

About forty-five minutes later, Ryan came struggling in carrying about half a dozen pizzas.

**-end-**

**A/n:** Just fun! And for anyone who didn't catch on, the three Fandom people were Harry Potter (pretending not to be the real Harry Potter), Kaylee Frye from _Firefly_, and Septimus of Stormhold from _Stardust_.


End file.
